Been Awhile
I realized that it's been quite awhile since the last time I posted, so I'll give kind of a whirlwind update and then I'll start blogging more consistently again.
The main reason that I haven't been blogging is that I've been sleeping. I've felt like Sleeping Beauty or like I've been in a coma for a month. It was so bizarre. It's a side effect of the duragesic. I mean, I was sleeping about 16 hours a day and it was like using superhuman strength to stay awake for longer than an hour or two at a time. I'd wake up to use the restroom or throw-up and then back to sleep I'd go.
So, I had an appointment with my pain management doctor, we'll call him Dr. R from now on, and he gave me another prescription for Provigil. This drug has a very interesting history. It was developed by the military for their special ops guys and the guys who would guard the base at night. It keeps you from sleeping and it works really well most of the time. I have to take it pretty early in the day, so that it doesn't keep me up all night. That's how well it works. It's also going to be used as a medication for ADD pretty soon. I've been given back my ADD diagnosis, since we found out that the bi-polar medication that I was given last year, by a psychiatrist who apparently thinks he can diagnose someone in 10 minutes, was depressing me to no end. I'm soooo much happier now that I'm coming off that med. It's like a big dark cloud is being lifted off me and I feel more normal again. I'm almost done titrating off of it and I'm sure it'll make a difference in my energy level too, I hope.
So, here's my new list of meds: Duragesic for the chronic pain; Dilaudid, Toradol injection, and Imitrex for rescue meds; phenergan and reglan for the nausea and vomiting (phenergan if I don't mind sleeping and reglan if I need to stay awake); zelnorm for the irritable bowel syndrome; aciphex for gastroesophogeal reflux disease; Provigil to stay awake and for ADD. I think that's it. I need a bigger medicine cabinet.
So, thanks for your patience. Hopefully, I didn't lose you, because I really have wanted to write, just couldn't because I've been too tired. I'll write a new one tomorrow. If you ever have questions about my meds, feel free to email me or post them here and I'll get back to you on that.
When Will I Learn?
Ok, I'm starting to see a pattern emerging in my dream life. Last night I dreamed about this scene in Boston Legal (American TV Show) from a couple of weeks ago. The scene showed Betty White's character wacking another character over the head several times with a large iron griddle! lol It was pretty funny scene, though it sounds awful when I write it down. Well, you've probably already guess what I'm going to say next, because you're so smart. I woke up this morning with a wopping migraine, level 6. I just took some drugs (dilaudid) which should kick in pretty soon, now.
So, let's see: I dreamed about coconuts being cracked on the cement--woke up with a migraine; Elephants stampeding over my head and crushing my skull--woke up with migraine; and now someone cracking someone else over the head with an iron fry pan--woke up with migraine. Do you see a pattern here, because I am actually feeling the pattern.
Under Pressure
This is the first morning all week that I've
woken up with a migraine. Do you know what a miracle that is? Before the patch, I was waking up with a migraine every single morning! So, if I have to have one this morning, I guess I'll put up with it. Thank god for my new rescue med, Dilaudid. I'm so nauseous, too. I've been throwing up alot the past few weeks, because of the patch, that I think I've actually lost weight between the barfing and the not eating! Yay! LOL It's ok. I hear that the nausea, etc. will pass eventually and I'm willing to wait, since it seems to be working at least part-time.
The jury is still kind of out, but I'm beginning to think that I might actually start feeling better as time goes by and the patch continues to do it's thang. I can't wait.
Ok, Here's Something Cool...
A producer for a movie that'll be released late next spring contacted me and asked for permission to use my poem, "Tears on My Pillow" in their movie. I feel tickled pink. This is so fun. They're going to put my name in the credits next to the title of my poem, so that I'll be credited. Isn't that fun?
Here's the website: http://www.thatbeautifulsomewhere.ca/ The movie is called, "That Beautiful Somewhere" and is being filmed in Canada. Read the premise, it's very interesting, but here's the gist of it:
An archeologist suffering from migraines is searching for a cure and comes across a bog with healing waters that could be the cure for all kinds of diseases. That's just a brief overview, the website gives a better description, of course.
Gordon Tootsis is in it. (I hope I spelled his name correctly.) He's one of my favorite Native American actors, because he's really good and he's so regal looking. lol I remember him from "The Edge". Love that movie, too.
Ok, so here's my poem, but it's on my blog under the title, too:
TEARS ON MY PILLOW
by Jessica Polson
White lights bleeding
from my eyes, down through my heart
crying in the night
awake with pain and penitence
I say my prayers
There are no ears, no one hears
My screams...inside of me
Inside of my head
On top of my bed
And the blood drips from my eyes
Tears on my pillow
