My Migraine Battle: On The Forefront

Protecting

Recently, I saw a post on a migraine forum I visit. It read something like this, "Do you find your self pretending things are fine or watering down your pain level to protect the people around you." My first reaction was, "Hell, no!" I mean, why would I do that? It perpetuates the problem of not being taken seriously about your disease. I don't think I understood what she was saying, the way she meant it.

Today, I had a blinding pain in my head. One of those migraines, actually it was probably a cluster headache, that knocks you to your knees. I've been taking fioricet since 6:30 this morning and the pain level just won't go below 7. I was sweating, (and I never sweat, because I have a disease that keeps me cold constantly), because the pain was so strong before I took the meds. I am so nauseaus that I didn't eat today. Oh, wait, I take that back, I had about a 1/4 cup of Kraft mac-n-cheese. It was leftover from a couple of days ago, so I only had to nuke it. It's my current comfort food. Usually, my comfort food is chicken wan-tan soup, but I switched to m-n-c, recently. I'm so nauseaus it's not even funny. Ok, so I have to wrap this up, because my head's whining.

Anyway, I didn't tell my husband or daughter how bad it was. (Btw, I've named my migraine, Ghengis Khan, so if I call it that, you'll know why). When the pain gets really bad, I just went in the bathroom and paced. It's a small bathroom, but it's good for about 4 paces, before I have to turn around. And I washed my face with cold water. Then I came back out with an, "I'm ok, not great, but ok" attitude.

So, humbled, I have to admit that, yes, I do try to protect my loved ones.

I only have one more thing to say and that is that, I really need a narcotic that I can keep around the house that I can use when things get this bad. All I can think about today is how much I want to be able to give myself the narc cocktail and just sink into peaceful, painless, bliss. I'm starting to get desperate, which is what I was worried about, because I still have a week to go until I see that pain management doctor. I have a strong feeling that I'm not going to make it without a narc cocktail before then.

Gotta go take some drugs, now.

posted by Jessica @ 10:58 PM