Thursday, March 30, 2006

Why so Quiet all of a Sudden?

I know, I've been really quiet lately. It's not you, it's me. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone for at least a couple of weeks. I'm going through this psychological/emotional thing that I wish I could blog about, but I can't. Too many people know me and read this frikkin' thing, now, so if I were to talk about this certain thing, everyone I know would know and I don't want that. There are some things that you just don't want to share, you know?

For lots of reasons, I want to keep this thing to myself, sort of. The main one is that I don't see the point in telling my nightmare and then it's in someone else's head, too. That's so not cool to do. If you've ever known someone who's gone to war, or something like that, then you'll know what I'm talking about. They don't talk about those experiences either. It's not to shut out the other people in their lives, it's just that you don't want those people to have those images or thoughts in their head all the time like you do.

Well, that's how I feel about this certain thing. The only thing I can figure is that I must have some kind of anniversary around this time of year, but because I blocked this thing out of my head for so many years, I have little recollection of when it happened, so I really don't know why it's bugging me right now, but it is.

Another reason for keeping this to myself is that I don't want people to think of this certain thing every time they look at me. That would suck even more than the thing! So, it really isn't anything I can discuss with anyone, which probably makes it worse, because then I only have myself to "talk it over" with and of course, nothing really gets solved that way. Ah, well. I've been here before, so I don't want you, my pals and friends, to worry about me. It will pass, it always does. For whatever reason, it just happened to hit me harder this time than it has in at least three years.

So, until I work through it, or successfully repress it again (tee-hee), I may not be on here a whole helluva lot. It also means, I'll be pretty quiet, like, maybe if I play dead or stay really still, the Monster can't see me and will leave me the hell alone? I dunno. Either that or maybe it'll just blow over like a season, like allergies or something.

I'm not depressed really, but I'm just not feeling like communicating. Mostly because I've got this on my brain so much that it's just better if I don't talk and I just find other things to think about and concentrate on, keeping my mind so busy that it won't have time to spend on dealing with this problem or analyzing it. So, give me a couple more weeks and I'll be back in good humour again, and I'll try to think of something interesting and clever to say, like, "Hi, I'm back" or something equally as awe-inspiring.

Until then, I want to ask you for a favor. Will you check out Medecins Sans Frontieres and, if you so feel compelled, will you please donate to them? This group is not a SCAM. They really are a wonderful bunch who are working their butts off to make the world a better place. Lemme tell ya, anytime I've met one of their docs, I've absolutely loved them and felt that I was getting the best care in the world. Too bad we can't make it a requirement for docs to have to do a stint with MSF for 9 months in order to graduate. They'd learn humility and compassion real fast if they did. Here's the addy, but you can also click on the title to go there: The greatest needs that I can see are in Somalia right now. It's tragic what's going on out there right now. Of course, the middle east and Eastern Europe are in great need as well, but Somalia's the main one right now. they really need more funding in the Ivory Coast, the Sudan and all over Africa. Thanks for doing this for me. :)


At 6:28 AM, Blogger ArrMatey said...

You may not need or want sympathy, but fear not, you are not alone. I have had headaches and contstant dizziness for 4 years. Life for me is simply an endurance test; how much pain can I take? But otherwise, my life is pretty good, I have a fiancee that loves me, OK job, good family, etc. Right now I'm deaf in my left ear, and it hurts. But I do have one good ear.... see how life balances out?

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