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Friday, August 12, 2005

Heavy Subject

Well, I got my trigger shots on Tuesday, which means that I have a small window of time until the pain returns to read. I'm reading All in My Head by Paula Kamen and so far, I love it. It's so reaffirming to know that I'm not the only one who experiences the sexual discrimination in the medical arena, the only one who goes through asking why and what's the point?, the only one who has doctors who are scraping the bottom of the barrel and trying to pull rabbits out of their hats to treat the agony I'm in daily. I'm only on pg. 36 and already, I feel a sense of empowerment and I'm loving this book. I feel less alone in this daily struggle.

One of the things in my life that constantly irritates me, having been a former anorexic in my youth, is the amount of weight I've gained over the past two years. At first, I'd gained weight from taking a drug that was supposed to be a preventive, Neurontin *shudders*. As soon as I discontinued the drug, I lost the ten pounds that I'd gained. But, now, I've gained 30 pounds over the past year and it drives me nuts! I am 30 pounds over my ideal weight and it bugs the hell out of me.

Ms. Kamen talks about all the weight she gained from the various drugs they had her on for her migraines. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that I've been taking Lamictal for a year. The exact amount of time that I've gained 30 pounds. I couldn't figure out how I could've gained weight when I'm so nauseous that I eat like a bird. This drug, I believe, has changed my set point and by not being able to workout an hour a day like I used to, the weight has just piled on!

Believe it or not, as crazy as this may sound to some, I would rather be in pain than gain weight. Now, I wouldn't want to be at a pain level of 8 or above, but I would lay on the couch squirming with pain, if it meant that the only alternative was taking drugs that made me gain weight. I'm going to call my doc next week and make another appointment with her to discuss my options. I know it would take awhile to get off the Lamictal, which does little more than ease my anxiety and makes me lethargic to boot, but I'm willing to do it. It's just not worth it to me. I'm sure there is another med out there that can ease anxiety and help me sleep without making me gain weight. I'm discontinuing my use of promethazine, too, as I've noticed that even though it gets rid of my nausea, it also makes me hungry.

Besides, if I'm addicted to drugs and that's the reason I have migraines (according to her), then it stands to reason that if I discontinue my meds, the migraines would go away. Let's really test out this doctor's theory, shall we?

posted by Jessica @ 12:08 PM