My Migraine Battle: On The Forefront

Doing A Li'l Better

Well, like the title says, I'm doing better. I think the trigger shots helped. My head still hurts, but the pain level is staying around 4 and 5. That's bearable. By "bearable" I mean that if I have to keep from taking the Fioricet, I can deal with the pain.

You know what's scary? I recently started disassociating from the pain when it gets to a 9 or 10. What I mean by that is that I have an out-of-body experience, so it's like I'm looking down at my body going through all the pain. Last time, I had to keep bringing myself back and it was really hard to do, because all I wanted was to be out of pain.

A long time ago, when I was raped in College, I did the same thing. I know it's just a way that the brain tries to protect you from the pain of what's happening to you, but it's not healthy and not good for you. It really isn't.

I kept telling myself to stay in the here and now. It became a sort of meditative chant. "Stay present, stay present, stay present". Do you know how hard that is to do when you're in so much pain? I just wanted to be out of pain, that's all. I wanted to be out of my body. I wanted to leave the pain behind and go into another place.

I did it, though. I stayed present. I've blogged about the important of Presence before, but I haven't blogged about staying present. There's a difference.Maybe that'll be my next entry. It's a deep belief of mine and encompasses alot of the other things I've talked about before like Presence, not thinking Wishfully, having Hope, dealing with Reality. Especially dealing with reality. I'm a practical person and and want to always deal with reality rather than going into denial or living in a fantasy land. But, when you're in extreme pain, it's really not an easy thing to do.

I wonder if other migraneurs have had this same experience or not? If you're a migraneur, please leave a comment and let me know. And if you have had that experience, how did you deal with it?

posted by Jessica @ 10:17 AM