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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

4th Stage of Grief

Well, I think I've finally reached the stage of depression. At least I know that the next stage is acceptance and I hope this stage doesn't last too much longer.

I'm in so much pain lately. I'm finding that I'm crying alot. I'm losing interest in playing The Sims. That's a big sign, because I absolutely adore that game. I'm losing interest in everything. My head is killing me. I have no control over that. I have no options for getting better at this point and I really feel stuck financially and physically.

I don't want to talk to anyone and my responses and communication feel automatic. I'm not sleeping very much, either. I'm not laughing very much. Crying doesn't help the pain, either. I need help or a miracle or something. I need some kind of comfort or relief, anything.

My head hurts so badly. I should be used to this by now. The meds don't seem to be working very well, if at all. I'm finally going to be able to get my imitrex on Friday. With the state funded insurance, I'll only be able to get two injections, but at this point I'll take anything. I know it won't last long, but at least it's something.

I'm so tired of hurting ALL the time. My head is killing me, my eyes feel like corkscrews are being rammed into them and I'm so nauseaous that I can't do much more than lay down on the couch.

I'm writing this blog today, because I think it's important for people to know what a migraneur and someone who suffers with chronic pain goes through. It's really important. The other reason is I'm hoping that by writing, I'll have some emotional release and will feel a little better that way.

I called my mom's pastor recently. He's a good man and really tries hard to serve his people. (Doesn't even take a salary). Anyway, he said that I should pray for others because it will make me feel better. So, I'm going to start praying for other migraneurs, mentioning each one specifically by name. I've always been a believer that if you give, you will receive a reward in return. The reward may not be relief from pain. The Bible doesn't say what kind of reward you'll receive or what part of your life it'll effect. But, I'm going to follow his advice today. What do I have to lose? I don't have anything else to do, anyway.

If you're a migraine sufferer and are reading this, please respond in the comments area and I'll pray for you. Jesus is my healer and healing is the bread of his children. The Word doesn't say what kind of healing I'll receive. But, I hope it will relieve the stress I'm under in one way or another.

Oh, man, how my head hurts today. I'm in so much pain. When will these stupid drugs kick in? That's a rhetorical question, because I know that they won't even begin to kick in for another couple of hours, if at all. I may be in for another visit to the hospital or doc's office, today.

I wish this would end. But, I have to deal with reality and stay in the moment. I'm learning to take life day by day by day.

7 Comments:

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Moogle said...

Jess,

I'm sorry to hear how much pain you are in. I've been praying for you and I will continue to do so.

Thank you for your kind comments on my blog!

Hugs,
Tracy

 
At 7:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jess,

I understand how you feel. I've been a migraineur for the past 4 years and every time I get an attack I feel like giving up. And people telling me it's going to be okay or that that it's nothing i can't handle only gets me angry because I wonder if they'd say the same in my position. My prayers are with you and people like us everywhere so that we may have better, pain-free lives :)

 
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