Monday, January 31, 2005

Test of Gold

My brother cuts hair. He's a barber. But, he's so good that alot of women go to him, also, including me.

I haven't been able to leave the house for months, except for during my emergency runs to the doctors or hospital and my hair's been getting pretty shaggy. I think I've mentioned before that where I live is really out of the way. It actually reminds me of that place in O Brother Where art thou? (One of my favorite movies.), where George Clooney's character says, "Well, ain't this a geographical oddity? Two days from everywhere!" Well, we're not quite that far, but I'd say that 2 hours from everywhere is about accurate. lol

Anyway, he came up with his kids for a short visit, and more specifically to give me a haircut. It was really sweet of him. So, he's cutting my hair, right? And, suddenly, just moving my hair began a migraine. I mean, isn't that unreal? He touched a sensitive area with the razor and sent me into horrible pain. I felt like a baby, when I told him that we needed to stop the hair cut for a few minutes, while I got over the initial shock of the pain. By the end of the haircut, I was nauseaus and needing medication for the pain. I couldn't believe it! I just can't do anything!

The simple things, the little things that you take for granted are so freakin' difficult when you suffer with chronic pain. And I feel like a big baby. And worse, I feel like others look at me and think, "Why is she complaining? She doesn't look sick. She doesn't look like she's in pain. What a hypochondriac!" I have seen it when people have rolled their eyes while I'm telling them about how much pain I'm in. And by "people" I mean people in the medical field, because, these days,
they're the only people I see. I'm really fortunate right now to have a compassionate GP's office staff, but I hate it when I have to go to the hospital ER, because that's the response I get. Like I have nothing better to do with my life than hang out in the emergency room.

William Shakespeare got it right when he wrote this stanza in A Comedy of Errors, Act 2:

A wretched soul,
bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much, or more, we should ourselves complain.

And you know, it's true. I think about that sometimes. I am tough as a marine chewing nails. People have no idea the kind of pain a migraneur is in. And worse is when I have a cluster headache on top of a migraine. I'll give you an idea of what a cluster is like. Imagine your typical bad headache and multiply that by about 50 and you'll have a typical migraine. Now, imagine a bad migraine and multiply that by 100 and you'll have the kind of pain you get when you have a cluster. Now, imagine that it comes on suddenly, without warning, at full blast. You don't get to work your way up to a pain level 9 or 10. As soon as you get it, you're at a 9. And you have to endure that for up to 3 hours and the pain level doesn't decrease and it doesn't let up at all. Now, imagine having to have that kind of pain on top of a migraine. That's what I get about every month or so. I was getting it alot more often last year, but for whatever reason it's gotten better or into a different cycle or something. Thank God.

"Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of men." Seneca (c. 3 B.C.–A.D.65)

The most difficult thing for a chronic pain sufferer, in my opinion, is to practice compassion toward others who don't know the meaning of pain. For instance, my daughter scraped her knee at school and probably a couple spots of blood showed up on her boo-boo. You know how it is. And, being a kid, it was a big deal to her and she had to tell me all about it. Now, because she's my daughter, it's easier to practice compassion and say comforting things to her about it. But, in
my head I'm thinking, Big deal. Mean, huh? Well, it's even harder to be compassionate to other adults who talk about their pain. I mean, I'm sorry that you have a sinus infection, but, Baby, that ain't even a drop in the bucket! I'm sorry that the remodel on your house is taking so long. I'm sorry that your ex-husband is a bastard and won't pick up the kids this weekend so that you can have a break from kids.

This is where your mettle is really tested as far as compassion is concerned. When you can listen to someone bitch about their little problems and still feel empathy for them, and are able to love enough to listen, realizing that each person searches for happiness, and, so for them, this is real pain in their lives. That's how you know you are practicing compassion. It's really hard to do.

It's much easier to be compassionate toward people like the Tsunami victims who've really, truly lost important treasures (ie loved ones, parents, siblings, homes, memories). It's much easier to be compassionate toward the Iraqi's who've suffered under torture and tyrany for five decades. It's easy to practice compassion toward these kinds of people. But, that is part of the test we go through to become more enlightened and loving.

"Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat. " Ryszard Kapuscinski (b. 1932), Polish journalist.

Until you lose something, suffer physically and have to endure humiliation, I don't believe you can ever, truly attain fullness of compassion. Oh, you can have sympathy or even empathy, but compassion, being able to respond appropriately with love to what another person is sufferring is impossible unless you have suffered and lost yourself. Each one of us is searching for happiness and searching for freedom from suffering. This is why suffering and pain are so subjective.

Migraneurs suffer continually, not just the physical pain and the humiliation of being ridiculed by others, but also constant defeat. The defeat comes from having to try a drug and find it doesn't work for your pain, so then you have to try another and another. Or having to go from one incompetent doctor to another until you finally find one that understands and is willing to do some actual work to help you feel better. It is a constant uphill struggle. You are rowing against the currents.

This is why we are so tough. We don't give up. Most people would give up after a little bit of struggle. I think that the spiritual ancestor of migraneurs is Abraham Lincoln who failed more times than I can count in starting businesses and in running for political office. He should be the patron saint of Migraneurs everywhere. lol

Herman Melville is quoted as saying, "He knows himself, and all that’s in him, who knows adversity." Good or bad, we come to know ourselves when we are forced through the fires of adversity. Pray we come out like gold, tough and beautiful.


At 5:33 PM, Blogger job opportunitya said...

Sensational blog. I took pleasure in the site and I
will go back! Surfing online for blogs like this one
is worth my time.
I wish I was like you, but I'll go and peep your long island plastic surgery blog.

At 4:21 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

nike outlet, coach outlet store online, longchamp handbags, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton outlet online, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet online, tiffany and co jewelry, michael kors handbags, prada outlet, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton handbags, kate spade outlet, louis vuitton, ray ban outlet, coach outlet, oakley vault, longchamp outlet online, christian louboutin, true religion, louis vuitton outlet, jordan shoes, coach purses, coach outlet, nike air max, nike free, kate spade outlet online, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton outlet, tiffany jewelry, red bottom shoes, tory burch outlet online, gucci handbags, polo ralph lauren, longchamp outlet, burberry outlet online, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, christian louboutin outlet, true religion outlet, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, nike air max

At 4:24 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

vans pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, nike air max, air max pas cher, longchamp, louis vuitton pas cher, converse pas cher, hollister, nike free pas cher, nike roshe, nike air max, mulberry, louis vuitton uk, ralph lauren, michael kors canada, air jordan, air max, chaussure louboutin, tn pas cher, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, true religion outlet, barbour, sac louis vuitton, ralph lauren pas cher, oakley pas cher, new balance pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, burberry pas cher, michael kors uk, ray ban uk, hermes pas cher, north face pas cher, longchamp pas cher, hollister, nike roshe run, north face, louis vuitton, timberland, nike air force, lululemon, sac vanessa bruno, nike free, guess pas cher, ray ban pas cher, scarpe hogan, sac michael kors

At 4:26 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

wedding dresses, mac cosmetics, soccer shoes, soccer jerseys, canada goose outlet, insanity workout, canada goose, p90x workout, abercrombie and fitch, longchamp, nfl jerseys, ugg soldes, instyler ionic styler, giuseppe zanotti, canada goose outlet, reebok shoes, ghd, herve leger, nike huarache, ugg outlet, bottega veneta, jimmy choo shoes, celine handbags, ferragamo shoes, ugg, canada goose outlet, babyliss, mcm handbags, uggs outlet, asics shoes, north face jackets, lululemon outlet, north face jackets, hollister, marc jacobs outlet, replica watches, valentino shoes, uggs on sale, birkin bag, uggs outlet, nike roshe, vans outlet, chi flat iron, new balance outlet, nike trainers, beats headphones, ugg boots, mont blanc pens, ugg boots

At 4:29 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

moncler outlet, wedding dress, supra shoes, uggs canada, louboutin, coach outlet, canada goose, air max, ugg, lancel, moncler, converse, moncler outlet, louis vuitton canada, thomas sabo uk, moncler, pandora charms, canada goose, juicy couture outlet, links of london uk, swarovski uk, replica watches, juicy couture outlet, moncler, nike air max, swarovski jewelry, timberland shoes, montre femme, hollister, oakley, moncler, hollister clothing, ray ban, hollister canada, pandora uk, vans, pandora jewelry, baseball bats, ralph lauren, gucci, parajumpers outlet, converse shoes, moncler, canada goose pas cher, iphone 6 case, karen millen, canada goose, toms outlet

At 7:32 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

jordan pas cher, chanel handbags, nike outlet, michael kors pas cher, kate spade outlet, replica watches, longchamp pas cher, nike free, jordan shoes, christian louboutin shoes, nike free run, louis vuitton outlet, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, polo ralph lauren, ugg boots, christian louboutin uk, air max, louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, tiffany jewelry, polo ralph lauren outlet online, burberry pas cher, prada outlet, nike air max, gucci handbags, sac longchamp pas cher, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin pas cher, louis vuitton, uggs on sale, tiffany and co, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton, longchamp outlet, replica watches, nike roshe, polo outlet, oakley sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale, christian louboutin, christian louboutin outlet, tory burch outlet

At 7:35 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

lululemon canada, nike air max, burberry outlet, oakley pas cher, burberry handbags, coach outlet store online, kate spade, michael kors outlet, michael kors, nike air force, true religion jeans, true religion outlet, michael kors, polo lacoste, nike tn, new balance, abercrombie and fitch uk, michael kors outlet, uggs outlet, michael kors outlet, ralph lauren uk, michael kors outlet online, replica handbags, coach outlet, true religion outlet, coach purses, nike free uk, sac vanessa bruno, mulberry uk, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet online, north face, uggs outlet, converse pas cher, hogan outlet, nike air max uk, hollister pas cher, sac hermes, nike roshe run uk, hollister uk, nike air max uk, true religion outlet, timberland pas cher, vans pas cher, ray ban pas cher, guess pas cher, ray ban uk

At 7:40 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ipad cases, beats by dre, iphone 6 cases, ferragamo shoes, wedding dresses, hollister clothing, p90x workout, instyler, asics running shoes, nike huaraches, hermes belt, north face outlet, s6 case, babyliss, nfl jerseys, hollister, iphone 6 plus cases, insanity workout, ralph lauren, iphone cases, iphone 6s plus cases, bottega veneta, new balance shoes, longchamp uk, iphone 6s cases, giuseppe zanotti outlet, nike roshe run, mont blanc pens, herve leger, oakley, lululemon, timberland boots, nike air max, iphone 5s cases, ghd hair, valentino shoes, louboutin, nike trainers uk, celine handbags, north face outlet, baseball bats, vans outlet, abercrombie and fitch, chi flat iron, soccer jerseys, mac cosmetics, mcm handbags, soccer shoes, jimmy choo outlet, reebok outlet

At 7:42 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

supra shoes, marc jacobs, canada goose, converse outlet, toms shoes, ugg uk, ugg pas cher, canada goose outlet, canada goose, nike air max, louis vuitton, karen millen uk, doudoune moncler, converse, louis vuitton, vans, gucci, montre pas cher, moncler outlet, canada goose uk, canada goose outlet, moncler, pandora jewelry, barbour uk, moncler outlet, juicy couture outlet, louis vuitton, canada goose, pandora uk, coach outlet, swarovski crystal, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, juicy couture outlet, links of london, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, hollister, swarovski, canada goose outlet, ray ban, moncler, ugg, barbour, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, replica watches, pandora charms, moncler uk, pandora jewelry, wedding dresses, canada goose jackets, hollister, lancel


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home