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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Life's a Bitch, Sometimes

Well, the migs are back, dangit! I had to go into the docs office for shots again on Tues. The pain's on the top of my head and left temple, though, not in back where I got my shots, so I know the shots are still working. Anyway, I had a follow up appt with my doc and she's really worried about me. They're making me go see the only neurologist we have in this podunk town. He also happens to be the only one who'll take state insurance from our county in N. CA.

The reason I think this sucks is that I think this guy is a total quack! Here's why: I had a grand-mal seizure due to eclampsia after I had my daughter. He came to consult and said that it wasn't a seizure, but my body was just getting rid of the toxins. My doc at the time was so pissed off that he turned white with rage when he heard this guy say that! I mean, I had a major seizure and went into a coma for 1/2 hour afterward and this guy was being an asshole about it.

The second reason is that my friend, M.I., started getting really bad headaches and throwing up with them, so she went to see this doc (she was on state ins, too). He told her it was just migraines and to take excedrin for them. So, she did--for 3 months. By that time she was falling down, couldn't keep her balance and was having the most horrifying headaches and throwing up all the time. So, they went back. This time, they ordered an MRI, but had to wait for the state to approve it. Because he had diagnosed migs the first time, it took 2 months to convince the state to give her an MRI. So, then she gets the test done and it shows a tumor the size of a golf ball. Now, they have to get a neurosurgeon to see her which takes another three or four weeks (people on state ins aren't as important as people who have private ins). By this time the tumor was the size of a grapefruit and they did brain surgery on her, but it was basically too late. They thought they got the whole tumor, but then more developed after surgery over the next couple months. The whole cycle started over again--get permission for another mri (two weeks this time), see the neurosurgeon (another two weeks), and by this time they couldn't do surgery on her brain so they admitted her to long-term care and she ended up dying the most horrible death I've ever seen (and I worked in long-term and terminal care units when I was nursing)! If she'd been seen sooner, she would still be alive, I'm sure of it.

The third reason is that a friend of my mom's, (private ins), went to see him because she was having tremors and her doc referred her to this guy. Anyway, he told her that she was just gardening too much and gave her some muscle relaxers and told her to take it easy. So, she did, for 6 months and the condition just kept getting worse. So, she went for a second opinion somewhere else and they told her she has parkinson's. She finally started getting the kind of treatment that she needed.

So, you can see why I can't stand this guy and don't want to see him. I don't feel like I can trust him at all. And now, my docs are going to have to rely on whatever he tells them. So, my level of pain management and treatment could end up going way down. I am really wary of this. So, I started freaking out about it, right? Still am a little, I guess. But, then, I thought. Well, I have no choice right now, so what's the point obsessing or worrying about it. It's only two months until my husband has insurance and I can go see a "real" doctor. But, who knows, maybe this guy will have a sudden stroke of luck and find something. I highly doubt it though.

So, this is the predicament I'm in and I'm just so...I don't even know what to say. It's really unfair that I have no choice on who will take care of me. But, that's the way it goes.

Just wish all of this would go away.

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