Sunday, January 09, 2005

My First 5 Minutes

I saw this doctor, and he was like the third doctor I'd seen, (the first was my gp and didn't know what to do, apparently; the second wanted me to see a shrink), when I was having problems with my gall bladder and IBS. Oh, man, you gotta hear this story. This is unbelievable. Ok, so I'm seeing this doctor and he runs some x-rays of my belly and does complete colonoscopy and endoscopy exams.

So, I go into his office when all the tests are done, hoping that he'll have an answer for me. So, I'm sitting across the desk from him, right? And I'm looking at his windowsill and he's got like all of these sort of McDonald's type toys behind him. Gosh, what were they? I'm trying to remember, but all I can remember is that each of them was totally bizzarre. So, anyway, he looks at me and says, "Sometimes people experience pain when there's nothing wrong."

I looked at him, as any sane person would, incredulously and said, "But, isn't pain a WARNING sign that something IS wrong?" And he said to me, "No, that is a myth. It does not mean that. And you are not really experiencing pain. It's in your head. So, you just have to ignore it."

OMGsh! Can you fucking believe that he said that? A DOCTOR told me that it was a myth that pain is a warning sign. I was so pissed off when I left that I was crying and shaking. I hadn't been able to hold down food for 4 months, had lost about 50 lbs (which was the silver lining on the cloud, if ya know what I mean), was in such bad pain that I walked like an old woman with a hump and it would knock me to my knees when it got really bad. UnFuckingBelievable!!!! I reported that asshole to the medical examiner's board. Needless to say, that bill didn't get paid.

5 months and 7 doctors later I was being wheeled in for emergency surgery on my gallbladder because I finally found a doctor who listened to me. I kept telling them, I think it's my gallbladder that's giving me problems. They ran every test EXCEPT the one that they should have run in the first place. Can you believe that shit? lol Ya gotta laugh or you'd cry. There's a very simple test that you run, FIRST to find out if you have gallbladder problems. But, these doctors thought they knew better or something. They didn't listen or something. I don't know. I told them every symptom and each one was a very classic gallbladder symptom.

By the time I had the surgery, I'd lost 120 lbs. and had gotten to the point where I wasn't even holding down water. Couldn't eat. Couldn't drink. So, yeah, I tend to be a bit distrustful of doctors after that incident. I damn near died, because they didn't listen and they didn't do their jobs. So, as far as I'm concerned only one in ten doctors is any good. I shouldn't have had to go through that. And doctors lie all the time. I'd rather hear a doctor say to me, "Gosh, I'm stumped and I just don't know what to do. Let me do some research and call some of my doctor friends and get back to you at our next appointment." Have you ever heard a doctor say that? What's the big deal about that? Doctors are very prideful and in the Bhuddist philosophy, all sin comes from Pride. And that's true. I have seen it over and over again.

So, now when I go into a doctors office, I tell the receptionist to hold my check and keep it on the desk, because if I'm outta there in 10 minutes, I'm takin' my money with me. Then, I go in to see the doctor and I tell him these are my conditions, if you don't like it let me know and I'll leave:

1. Don't bullshit me and don't lie to me. Be honest and tell it like it is. I'm a big girl and I can deal.

2. Don't ever let me hear the words, "It's all in your head"

3. I better never read the words "hysterical" or "hysteria" written in my charts

4. Don't put me on a bunch of drugs for my symptoms without knowing what the root cause of my disease is. (I've had that happen to me before, too, and it is definately NOT cool)

5. If you're running tests, referring me to someone else, or prescribing a treatment then I want to know everything about it and why you think I need it. I especially want to know the risks involved in taking the meds.

6. Do your homework. If you don't know what's going on, then I expect you to do your job and research it until you find the answer. If you can't do that then tell me right now and I'll take my business elsewhere.

7. Listen to me. Read my lips. Don't interrupt me while I'm talking, because that means that you are not listening.

8. Don't do other stuff while I'm talking to you, because that means that your head is not in the present and you're not focusing. If you're listening to my heart, taking my bp, writing in your notebook then you are not paying attention to what I'm saying. You can't serve two masters at the same time, no one can. And multi-tasking is bullshit. It's just another way of saying, I'm bored with you or too busy for you.

9. If you expect me to be at your office on time, then I expect the same thing. Now, I know that emergencies come up and I'm willing to be patient, but you have to understand that emergencies come up with me to. And I'm not paying any damn fee if I have to cancel my appt at the last minute because I'm having a tough day and I'm puking my guts up or can't get off the couch cuz my head's splitting or my kid calls me from school because she's in the principal's office. Otherwise, we both play that game and I can guarantee that my time is worth alot more than yours. If I have to wait longer than 20 minutes, you will pay me $3 per minute to wait for you. If I wait for you for an hour, then my fee is $200, because that's what my time's worth. (You know how they charge you anywhere from $25-75 if you"miss" your appointment? Or how, if you're 5 minutes late, they'll just reschedule you as soon as you get there. What a bunch of bullshit. Well, if they cancel on me without 24 hours notice, my fee is $200.)

10. If you can't or won't comply with these guidelines then tell me now so that I can find another doctor. I have alot of medical problems and don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't give a damn about me.

Then they tell me if they can hack it or not. If the answer's no, then I take my money and leave. If the answer is yes, then I soften up and we have a real nice relationship after that. But, for the first 5 minutes in their office, I am a complete bitch. It's for two reasons. It's because I do want them to do those ten things that I listed. But, it's also because I want to see how they react under pressure; if they are humble enough to acknowledge that I'm the one paying their salary and I'm the customer; and if they're willing to work their ass off to help me get better. I don't like to waste my time on charlatan's, crooks, assholes and pill dispensers. Do you?


At 7:37 PM, Blogger Angel said...

Thanks for linking me to this post. YOU ROCK. Really.

My inner bitch really really wants to lay it on the line with docs but I always cave.

Thanks for the confidence boost!

At 4:22 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

nike outlet, coach outlet store online, longchamp handbags, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton outlet online, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet online, tiffany and co jewelry, michael kors handbags, prada outlet, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton handbags, kate spade outlet, louis vuitton, ray ban outlet, coach outlet, oakley vault, longchamp outlet online, christian louboutin, true religion, louis vuitton outlet, jordan shoes, coach purses, coach outlet, nike air max, nike free, kate spade outlet online, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton outlet, tiffany jewelry, red bottom shoes, tory burch outlet online, gucci handbags, polo ralph lauren, longchamp outlet, burberry outlet online, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, christian louboutin outlet, true religion outlet, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, nike air max

At 4:24 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

vans pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, nike air max, air max pas cher, longchamp, louis vuitton pas cher, converse pas cher, hollister, nike free pas cher, nike roshe, nike air max, mulberry, louis vuitton uk, ralph lauren, michael kors canada, air jordan, air max, chaussure louboutin, tn pas cher, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, true religion outlet, barbour, sac louis vuitton, ralph lauren pas cher, oakley pas cher, new balance pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, burberry pas cher, michael kors uk, ray ban uk, hermes pas cher, north face pas cher, longchamp pas cher, hollister, nike roshe run, north face, louis vuitton, timberland, nike air force, lululemon, sac vanessa bruno, nike free, guess pas cher, ray ban pas cher, scarpe hogan, sac michael kors

At 4:26 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

wedding dresses, mac cosmetics, soccer shoes, soccer jerseys, canada goose outlet, insanity workout, canada goose, p90x workout, abercrombie and fitch, longchamp, nfl jerseys, ugg soldes, instyler ionic styler, giuseppe zanotti, canada goose outlet, reebok shoes, ghd, herve leger, nike huarache, ugg outlet, bottega veneta, jimmy choo shoes, celine handbags, ferragamo shoes, ugg, canada goose outlet, babyliss, mcm handbags, uggs outlet, asics shoes, north face jackets, lululemon outlet, north face jackets, hollister, marc jacobs outlet, replica watches, valentino shoes, uggs on sale, birkin bag, uggs outlet, nike roshe, vans outlet, chi flat iron, new balance outlet, nike trainers, beats headphones, ugg boots, mont blanc pens, ugg boots

At 4:29 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

moncler outlet, wedding dress, supra shoes, uggs canada, louboutin, coach outlet, canada goose, air max, ugg, lancel, moncler, converse, moncler outlet, louis vuitton canada, thomas sabo uk, moncler, pandora charms, canada goose, juicy couture outlet, links of london uk, swarovski uk, replica watches, juicy couture outlet, moncler, nike air max, swarovski jewelry, timberland shoes, montre femme, hollister, oakley, moncler, hollister clothing, ray ban, hollister canada, pandora uk, vans, pandora jewelry, baseball bats, ralph lauren, gucci, parajumpers outlet, converse shoes, moncler, canada goose pas cher, iphone 6 case, karen millen, canada goose, toms outlet

At 7:33 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

jordan pas cher, chanel handbags, nike outlet, michael kors pas cher, kate spade outlet, replica watches, longchamp pas cher, nike free, jordan shoes, christian louboutin shoes, nike free run, louis vuitton outlet, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, polo ralph lauren, ugg boots, christian louboutin uk, air max, louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, tiffany jewelry, polo ralph lauren outlet online, burberry pas cher, prada outlet, nike air max, gucci handbags, sac longchamp pas cher, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin pas cher, louis vuitton, uggs on sale, tiffany and co, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton, longchamp outlet, replica watches, nike roshe, polo outlet, oakley sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale, christian louboutin, christian louboutin outlet, tory burch outlet

At 7:39 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

lululemon canada, nike air max, burberry outlet, oakley pas cher, burberry handbags, coach outlet store online, kate spade, michael kors outlet, michael kors, nike air force, true religion jeans, true religion outlet, michael kors, polo lacoste, nike tn, new balance, abercrombie and fitch uk, michael kors outlet, uggs outlet, michael kors outlet, ralph lauren uk, michael kors outlet online, replica handbags, coach outlet, true religion outlet, coach purses, nike free uk, sac vanessa bruno, mulberry uk, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet online, north face, uggs outlet, converse pas cher, hogan outlet, nike air max uk, hollister pas cher, sac hermes, nike roshe run uk, hollister uk, nike air max uk, true religion outlet, timberland pas cher, vans pas cher, ray ban pas cher, guess pas cher, ray ban uk

At 7:41 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ipad cases, beats by dre, iphone 6 cases, ferragamo shoes, wedding dresses, hollister clothing, p90x workout, instyler, asics running shoes, nike huaraches, hermes belt, north face outlet, s6 case, babyliss, nfl jerseys, hollister, iphone 6 plus cases, insanity workout, ralph lauren, iphone cases, iphone 6s plus cases, bottega veneta, new balance shoes, longchamp uk, iphone 6s cases, giuseppe zanotti outlet, nike roshe run, mont blanc pens, herve leger, oakley, lululemon, timberland boots, nike air max, iphone 5s cases, ghd hair, valentino shoes, louboutin, nike trainers uk, celine handbags, north face outlet, baseball bats, vans outlet, abercrombie and fitch, chi flat iron, soccer jerseys, mac cosmetics, mcm handbags, soccer shoes, jimmy choo outlet, reebok outlet

At 7:43 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

supra shoes, marc jacobs, canada goose, converse outlet, toms shoes, ugg uk, ugg pas cher, canada goose outlet, canada goose, nike air max, louis vuitton, karen millen uk, doudoune moncler, converse, louis vuitton, vans, gucci, montre pas cher, moncler outlet, canada goose uk, canada goose outlet, moncler, pandora jewelry, barbour uk, moncler outlet, juicy couture outlet, louis vuitton, canada goose, pandora uk, coach outlet, swarovski crystal, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, juicy couture outlet, links of london, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, hollister, swarovski, canada goose outlet, ray ban, moncler, ugg, barbour, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, replica watches, pandora charms, moncler uk, pandora jewelry, wedding dresses, canada goose jackets, hollister, lancel

At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Cara Mengatasi Mata Akibat Iritasi Softlens said...

Herbal treatment can be carried out effectively and without side effects. Thank you for sharing most information.

Pengobatan Gula Darah Tinggi
Cara Paling Cepat Untuk Melangsingkan Tubuh
Pengobatan Paling Efekti Penyakit Anemia Atau Kurang Darah
Pencegahan Dan Pengobatan Miom Tanpa Efek Samping
Obat Herbal Usus Buntu Alami
Cara Ampuh Menyuburkan Kandungan


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home